So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
