I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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