Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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