You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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