he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
And then he peed in my hair
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