I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
