and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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