i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
