The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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