i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
