i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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