it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
