Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
