apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
