my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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