I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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