I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
