I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
