Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am one with the molecules
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
