bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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