if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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