Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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