His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
