meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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