if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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