If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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