Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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