Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
