I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
