its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
