If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
