I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
