Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
