Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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