Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
