We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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