Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize