Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
