i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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