He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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