It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We are all done wearing pants today
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
