i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
