Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did i just pee glitter
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
