Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
