I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
