At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
