it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
