I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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