meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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