I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
