I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
