Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
