dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
3pm strippers are depressing
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
