Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
