I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
