Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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