just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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