you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
worst night to have a conscience
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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