STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
