That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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