What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think my mom watched the whole time
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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