i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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